Kids, Curry Bear would like to take a minute and talk about Desi guys and their clothing. But don't panic - Curry Bear has not turned gay nor did his home get rampaged by the Queer Eye guys. Curry Bear would like to talk for a minute about the fashion scene amongst Desi kids. It seems that every time you see a desi guy, you can pretty much decipher what kind of person he is based on his clothes. It's a bit of prejudice we all have but more often than not, you're right in judging a person based on his clothes. Let's take a moment to analyze some Desi stereotypes in fashion.

The Desi Party Guy - You seem them on every campus where there is a plethora of brown people. Like a car salesman, they will hover around you to promote their desi party. They will drop party flyers in the dorms like the U.S. Air Force dropping bombs in Baghdad. Usually, you can tell who is involved with the Desi party crowd at a college campus based on their looks.

Here are some things you can look for in identifying them:
- Always wear polos. The Jews have their yamaka anduys have their polos. If you look into their closet, it'll look like a warehouse for Aeropostale. These guys love their polos. If you're lucky, sometimes you can catch a few of them wearing p these golos in the Winter even after the Earth has been frozen to it's core. Like a set of pool balls, these guys will have them in solids and stripes.

- The Brooklyn cut - I've said it a million times before, and I'll say it again. These guys all rock the same hairstyle. Maybe these guys think that people might confuse them for Italian-Americans because of their tan skin. Or maybe they all are hoping to be Tony Soprano's illegitimate son. You will see peace in the Middle-East before the BK cut goes out of style amongst Desi kids.

- White sneakers - Not just any white sneakers; these guys will rock the latest Pumas or Diesels. They won't even settle for the cheap imitation Sketchers bullshit. If you spot one of these guys and he's not wearing a pair of Pumas or Diesels, he's not the "big dawg".

- Another common thing amongst these guys is by an earring. It'll either be a tiny hoop or a diamond stud. Hopefully if these guys aren't posers, they will make sure to put it on their left ear. Fossil watches (or any bright, shiny thing on their wrist) are another big thing amongst them.

The Super Thug - Every campus has to have one of these. Raised in Jersey City, Edison or any Indian populated city in America, these guys do their best to replicate the style of a black man. Don't get me wrong, every brown man wishes he had certain characteristics of a black man. OK that's a wrong statement. Every brown man wishes he had one characteristic - a black man's dick; everything else regarding a black man he doesn't give a shit about. For black men, life is a big trade off. You're blessed with a big dick but you also got the po-po's on your ass. Getting back to our point, there are way too many desi guys acting like thugs.

It's simple to identify super thugs:
- If someone tried to clone Usher and in the process accidentally mixed his genes with a brown person (or a camel), you will result in the creation of the Super Thug. Super Thugs will always be dressed like whoever is the most popular hip-hop artist at the present (50 cent, Jay-Z, Game, you get the drill).

- You will see them in nothing but hoodies, sweatpants and funky colored jeans that you can only find "downtown". No matter what city they live in, the place to buy these jeans will always be "downtown". However, unlike Usher None of these guys will ever wear a pair of hoodie and pants made of suede. Why? Because suede gets ruined when it rains. And thugs don't carry an Umbrella, ella, ella, a, a.

- Super Thugs have a very common trait - they all wear Timberland (or Timbs' as you young kids say it). You will rarely see these guys out of their Timbs'. These guys will show up to gym class in those shoes. Or maybe they've worn these shoes for so long that it has some how been glued to their feet. Even though several years ago Timbs' were all Thugs would rock, now they have a lot more varitey with brands such as Lugz and several others.

- Jewelry is a department where a lot of brown thugs don't shine, literally and figuratively speaking. My guess is that their budget ran out after the clothes and the shoes, and they didn't plan ahead. Once in a while, you will see a Super Thug with a big chain dangling around his neck. However, unlike black people, the brown thug will have a simple chain. It won't have spinners or be a giant clock medallion.

The ABCD - Aaah the ABCD. We all know someone who was born in America and never visited the motherland. If he is lucky, his parents may have embedded some brown culture into him. Otherwise, all you have is a person who is a coconut. ABCDs can be identified by one easy to spot trait - their preppy clothes. To be as white as possible, they will only wear the whitest clothes, and I don't mean in color. Happy cows come from California and preppy clothes come from Abercrombie & Fitch, Hollister and American Eagle. If you see a brown person wearing clothes only from the mentioned brand, you have found yourself a true ABCD.

- One thing popular amongst the hardcore ABCDs is dying of the hair. They will dye their hair enough so no one can tell they're Indian but can see that they're some kind of brown. It's easy to spot these guys in public. They'll only hang out with white kids, so the only brown guy will stand out like a lion amongst a herd of deer.

Curry Bear hopes this helps you identify with some of the desi people you meet at college (and even in High School). Some of you may relate to the article and for some, hopefully this will open up a whole new world! If you have any tidbits of your own, you are more than welcome to share with Curry Bear.

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Posted by at 9:26 PM | Permalink

Kids, for as long as Curry Bear can remember, video games were his gateway into tranquility. There is nothing like the satisfaction of beating a game after killing thousands of bad guys, emptying a million rounds of ammo, shooting up some shroooms and in the process saving a damsel in distress. Game developers have constantly come up with new ideas and story lines for games. However, not many have focused on Indian mythology. It's an untapped market - like Lebanese girls. There's like at least 10 games based on Greek and Roman mythology. But what about us brownies? The only brown people I've ever seen in video games are Apu in The Simpsons game, the Egyptians & Persians in Age of Empires and Mohinder Suresh in the upcoming Heroes game.

But the wait is over! Some game developers are finally getting creative with Indian mythology. Sony Online Entertainment has teamed up with Virgin Comics (because anyone who still reads comic books is likely a virgin) to bring a game based on the comic book Ramayan 3392 A.D. Before you get your history mixed up, please know that the Ramayan did not take place in 3392 A.D! And if you thought that for even a second, try to remember that you're still living in 2007 A.D. and you should get on the next tiny bus to stupid town. Ramayan 3392 A.D. is a comic book series based on a story by two famous desis: Deepak Chopra (that weird Indian doctor who writes books on spirituality) and filmmaker Shekar Kapur. Though similar to the ancient tale of Ramayan, Ramayan 3392 A.D. focuses on the battle between humans and demons in a post-apocalyptic world. That's right, a nuclear third world war precedes the premise of this comic book (most likely started by some guy lighting a nuke on Diwali). And yes, there is a Ram and there is a Ravan in this comic. One thing Curry Bear doesn't get is, if Ramayan 3392 A.D. is based on Indian mythology, why is it using the Christian calendar? I mean, it kind of defeats the concept of the whole premise of the comic book.

The game will be an MMO - an acronym used by gays and nerds. For the nerds, it means Massive Multiplayer Online and for the gays, it means Massive Man Orgy. If you are not familiar with video games, MMO's are one of those games where people live in a fictional world, build up their character, and go from town to town fighting people. The best way to learn about MMO's is to find the next Asian guy you see and say the words "World of Warcraft" to his face. Curry Bear is always worried when a new MMO comes out. People start playing these games for days without eating or taking a shit. There have been hundreds of cases where people have literally died from playing games for hours. Hopefully this will be a fun game and us brown people won't go crazy playing it for hours. Future Ravan is so much cooler than ancient Ravan.

Curry Bear's wish is that hopefully a game developer will make a Kama Sutra game for the Nintendo Wii. Ohhh the physical movements I would mimick with that Wiimote....

Posted by at 11:22 AM | Permalink

Man, it seems that everywhere I go, Unclejis appear out of nowhere. This would be normal if I were at Oak Tree Road in Iselin shopping for bhendi, cause bhendi is awesome when you eat it with chapati. But lately, I've observed Unclejis in places where I least expect them.

It all started a couple years ago when Unclejis started appearing at desi parties. At that time, I said to myself "Hey, maybe they didn't know that this party is for a much younger crowd." But after that incident, there was at least one Uncleji at every single desi party. The trend still continues. You have a bunch of college kids at a desi party and out of nowhere, you spot one Uncleji, who is there either by himself or with his wingman (or his "partner" because Unclejis probably don't know the concept of a wingman). At first I only saw Unclejis at desi parties. But like a virus that starts attacking all your organs, Unclejis started appearing at non-desi parties. Curry Bear last saw an Uncleji at club Abyss. I really wish they had an Abyss for me to push them into. I don't know what they come to these parties for, but my only guess is that they are there for the eye candy. They sit around like vultures and stare at the girls. In fact, at Abyss I saw the Uncleji standing like he was mesmerized by the Abyss girls.

But nothing is worse than this: Unclejis at strip clubs. It's not just a case of one or two Unclejis. It's like half of Mumbai is there. There are so many Unclejis at strip clubs that sometimes you wonder if it's a 7-11 convention. The last strip clubs Curry Bear went to were Delilah's Den and The Go-Go Rama (and if you go here, make sure you get a dance from Rayann...and wear goggles so you don't get pink eye). At Delilah's, there's about ten Unclejis at the most. But at The Go-Go Rama, it was a herd of Unclejis. Everywhere I turned, there was a guy that looked like my superfob Uncle. In fact, there are so many Unclejis at the Go-Go Rama that the strippers lie and say they're Indian. One of the strippers even said "Kaise Ho?" to me. I replied "Yous a ho!". And another one made up a story of how she was Indian and from Bangalore. I guess the stupid girl thought that a Dominican girl with a Dominican Doobie would pass off very easily for a girl from Bangalore just because she has brown skin and changed her name to Mya.

What really makes me wonder is, what are these Unclejis saying to their wives when they come out to strip clubs? How do they come up with lies? What about their children? Who manages the Dell call center when these guys are at strip clubs? Who?!? These Unclejis have ruined a lot of strip clubs. In fact, The Go-Go Rama reeks of curry more than an Indian restaurant. I'm afraid that the strippers might start having a b.o. problem too. It's just weird to see all those Unclejis, whom you've come to expect to be goody-two shoes type of guys, at strip clubs and desi parties. I think I'm more devastated about the fact that these Unclejis are scumbags just like me who are willing to pay money to have a woman lose her dignity for four minutes. In a way, every time I see an Uncleji at a strip club, I picture my Uncle Ramesh (yes, I really have an Uncle Ramesh). It makes me wonder, can my Uncleji be like this too? It's things like these that keep Curry Bear awake at night. And this entry was just my way of venting, because my psychiatrist said I need to write more about my feelings. So there it is kids, Curry Bear's feelings about Unclejis. Hopefully, none of you have Unclejis that go to strip clubs and desi parties. Lets hope that your Unclejis are the kind of guys who stay home on Friday night and watch Zee TV.

Posted by at 11:29 PM | Permalink

It's been a long time since Curry Bear has seen a Bollywood movie. Well, it's been a long time since Curry Bear has seen a good Bollywood movie. This past weekend, Curry Bear saw Heyy Babyy. I guess you could say Curry Bear was in the theater hollerin' Heyy Babyy...yeah that was lame, I won't do it again. Heyy Babyy stars Akshay Kumar, Ritesh Deshmukh, Feroz Fardeen Khan and Vidya Balan. Many of you might think that this is another Bollywood movie stealing plot ideas from the Hollywood movie Three Men And A Baby. But that's where you're wrong! The only thing similar between Heyy Babyy and Three Men A Baby is that Heyy Babyy's plot has three men and a baby.

Here's the basic storyline: Akshay Kumar [Aroush], Ritesh Deshmukh [Tanmay] and FerozFardeen Khan [Ali] are bachelors living in Australia and banging chicks left and right. But their life comes to a halt when they wake up one day and find a baby at their doorstep. I always wondered where babies came from. This is all I should say for the plot, because there is a lot more to this movie that you have to watch. Once the baby comes into their lives (which is within the first 20 minutes), their life is in disarray and the jokes keep coming. Oh, and Vidya Balan's in this movie too. She's soooo prettttttyyyyyy.....

Curry Bear liked this movie for a lot of reasons. All three characters were hilarious. The actors play their roles well. You won't find a dull scene in the movie when all three of them are together. Plus, Vidya Balan is a cute girl that's hot, if that makes any sense to you. But you know who was really cute? The little girl who was the baby. She makes Curry Bear want to have a little kid, if he already hasn't done so accidentally without his knowledge. What made this movie even better? Unlike other Hindi movies that have serious twists that don't make sense (like a character becoming a good person after killing three people), you can actually relate to the choices the characters make in this movie. I won't tell you what they did, but it sure made Curry Bear cry out of his one eye. Let's just say that the plot of this movie won't disappoint you, until you get to the very end where you might want to IronMan that ho Vidya Balan for being an idiot.

The music in this movie is also pretty hot (just don't listen to the song where all three guys singing to the baby). My favorite song is the title song Heyy Babyy and Mast Kalandar. I hope to see the latter song at every Bhangra competition this year. If you're a fan of old skewl stuff like Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, you'll like Mast Kalandar. And you gotta give it to Akshay Kumar - only he could pull off a turban and a beard and look hot (no homo). If the Taliban would stop blowing shit up and dance like Akshay Kumar, the world would be a better place. When all the actors are dancing to this song, you can tell that Akshay's got them all beat in the dancing department.

Another thing I enjoyed about this movie was the cameos. In the title song, you'll see just about all the hot Bollywood actresses make an appearance. It was like an overload of hotness. It was an orgy of cameos. And yes, Curry Bear pleasured himself to this song in the theater. You should try it sometime - no one knows what you do when the theater is dark and they think the sticky stuff is from the soda. Shah Rukh Khan also makes an appearance for a song and busts a move with Akshay and Ritesh. Curry Bear feels that Shah Rukh and Akshay should star in a comedy together - or at least have a dance competition to see who is better. I almost forgot, this movie also stars actor Boman Irani - the man famous for playing the mean professor in Munnabhai. The casting director did a nice job of casting him for a small role.

Heyy Babyy is definitely one of Curry Bear's favorite movies. The only flaw Curry Bear sees in this movie is that it felt like it was dragging a bit towards the end. But the majority of this movie will keep you laughing and giggling. Curry Bear highly recommends you to watch this movie if you're a Bollywood fan. I don't want to hype it up by saying it's the best comedy ever, but with all the crap that's been coming out, this movie is a breath of fresh air.

And yes, it is safe to watch this movie with your parents. That is if your parents are cool with the idea of condoms, titty jokes, girl coming out of the pool in a bikini and a hint of fornication during a song. If your parents don't mind that, you can watch it with them.

Because this is a quick review, Curry Bear will give this movie 4 paws out of 5.

Since I didn't want to disappoint you, here's the music video of the title song that features nearly all the hot actresses I have yet to sleep with:

Posted by at 11:21 AM | Permalink